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What fun would it be for parents, if they knew everything about child rearing? If they knew how to handle every step of their child’s development with grace and ease? There are some self-proclaimed child rearing gurus out there, but I don’t claim to know it all when it comes to child rearing.

In fact, the only experience I have is practical experience from trial and error. That’s sometimes the fun part about having kids. I’ve come to learn that there are everyday enigmas about child rearing I simply do not understand, such as, why do kids all of the sudden have to use the toilet after getting all bundled up to go play in the snow?

And how is it that a 3-year old can open items that are supposedly “child-proof?”

I have no control over a child claiming the need to use the toilet after getting snow pants, boots, coat, hat and mittens on, even though I ask the child what seems like a half-dozen times if he/she needs to go to the bathroom. I gave up on that.

I just learned to jettison the outerwear quickly to avoid, well, you know. The only thing I can say is my parents were right in saying, “Just wait until you have kids.”

The other thing that stumps me is how young children can open something that is supposed to be “child-proof.” It scares me that my children know how to open medication bottles that are supposed to be childproof.

The little imitators that they are picked up on how to push the cap down and turn the cap off of their vitamin bottles. If they could do that with their vitamins, then it would be safe to assume they could do that with bottles with similar caps. Suffice it to say, this was a teachable moment for the kids. Anybody remember having Mr. Yuck stickers?

I’ve also noticed that some DVDs geared for young children come in cases that are also “child proof” that have little tabs on either side of where the case is opened. They aren’t childproof. They’re adult-proof. At least for me.

I don’t generally look for those tabs that are intended to keep little hands from opening the case and getting to the DVD to deface it. My kids on the other hand, think that’s just part of opening the DVD case.

They nonchalantly pry the tabs open and voila, the DVD is out of the case faster than I can say, “What are you doing?”

Even though things like this make me raise my eyebrows and wonder about kids, I wouldn’t have it any other way. It just goes to show that I’m not a learned scholar when it comes to rearing children, just a regular guy learning as he goes.

Columnist Tim Gray, a West Salem resident, can be reached at tim.gray.matter@gmail.com.